10 Facebook Features We’d Love To See

Although Facebook is always being tweaked and the elvish powers-that-be work fiendishly around the clock to bring you the latest and greatest, there is always room for improvement.

And boy, do we have some ideas. Here are some features we’d love to see added to Facebook.

Ads Be-Gone

Ads all over a Facebook page can be irksome at times. Wouldn’t it be nice to just strike a key and poof, the ads go bye-bye! Or better yet, an ad categorization feature on the site would be welcomed by many users, this way, if you can select the kinds of promos you’d like to see on your page, then you might be able to live with a few of them. For instance, if you happen to be a makeup diva, then beauty ads would be right up your alley.

Snoop Guard

Who wouldn’t want to know if anyone has been peeking at their profile information or looking at their pics?  It would be heaven-sent to receive a notification every time a social media snoop was sniffing around your account — potential employers, an old flame, a frenemy or even the FBI! Intel-gathering from whatever source is oftentimes never a good thing.

Underage Alert

Although the minimum age in order to have a Facebook account is 13, there are a reported 7.5 million users below the requirement and a whooping 5 million of them are younger than 10. Right now, Facebook simply kicks underage users off of the site rather upon detection. But we’d like to see some flashing red lights before the youngster gets the boot. We’re talking about the kind of virtual slap on the hand that might scare the lil’ buggers just enough to teach them a lesson.

Mate Scourer

There are approximately 15 million available Facebook users out there for the taking. Why not have a mate scourer that could suggest potential match-ups for the single, and desperate to mingle set? Profile pages could be thrown into a data pool that would sort based on compatability, and viola!  Instant pairing on the fly!

Unfriend Finder

Perhaps the social networking site will not go this route for fear of a bloody massacre. But wouldn’t it be interesting to receive a notification every time you’ve been given the ole heave ho, unfriended on Facebook? If you are in the habit of unfriending folks on the website, remember, payback is a beeaattch!

Relationship Status Analyzer

B.S. artists come in every sex, creed, religion and size. Facebook is a place where liars are free to tell more lies. Serial cheaters are infamously known for lying about their relationship status. If only there was a background screener that could detect the true relationship status of a person, there would be less broken hearts.

Like what if the site could detect whether someone’s married but restless or already having an affair, and then let you know about it? And how about adding some additional options after a user checks “in a relationship” or “it’s complicated?” How about: “nearing committment stage,” or “waiting for that darn ring?”

Potty Mouth Zapper

This feature would automatically delete any foul language that flies out of the mouths of the uncouth. We could say more here, but we don’t want to get zapped!

Group Unfriender

Categorize your buddy list from the creme de la creme to those frenemies you’d like to swift-kick up their hind quarters. A Facebook group unfriender would offer a kind of one-stop feature that would blast those folks, whom you’ve had enough of, in one fell swoop! Even the ability to unfriend more than one person at a time would be cool. And if you’re having a bad day, why not “unfriend all?”

Picture Fixer

If you’d like to shave off some tonnage from your body, a Facebook photo fixer could help. Got pineapple face?  The photo fixer could make your skin look baby-butt smooth. Who couldn’t use a little extra photo helpon their Facebook page?

Dislike

Okay, we know a dislike button would piss off advertisers. But in an ideal world — surely you’ve figured out this post is fantasy talk — people would be able to click a thumbs down to express opinions about whatever annoys them. Facebook could create a plugin that users could use to dislike anything they come across on the web. Just imagine all the possibilities!

Readers, what features would you like to see Facebook add?